I’m Neurodivergent. Are You?

It’s not easy to arrive at this statement of fact. This insight: I am neurodivergent (I am autistic). Call it what you want: a diagnosis, an adjective, a different way of thinking and being in the world, but when you finally arrive at this understanding of self—I am neurodivergent—it marks the beginning of a new journey. At least it did for me.

I came to a diagnosis later in life.

I was 43 years old when I was formally assessed by a renowned expert in neurodivergence. To be honest, I struggled to even enter into the process of being assessed. I went back and forth in my mind. Should I or shouldn’t I get tested? What does it matter? Do I want to spend the money? How will an assessment (or, as I saw it: an answer) help me? This is ironic, I know, given the fact that I am a psychologist (and that at the time I was administering psychological evaluations to others in Colorado)!

Why did I struggle over the question of psychological assessment or getting tested? I struggled for several reasons. For one, I thought: What if I’m wrong? What if my gut feelings and my self-assessment are wrong, what kind of psychologist am I? And two, I’ll admit that even though I identify as a neurodiversity-affirming psychologist (meaning: I see neurodivergence as a strength not a weakness), I still wrestled at the time (this was one year ago) with a sense of shame. I am different from everyone else. See, I don’t fit in. All of the old, familiar, negative self-talk that maybe you can relate to.

Now, I’m in a different place. Since I was tested, and the provider affirmed that yes, I do have autism, I feel more free to be who I am, to introduce myself as autistic, to say no, and to set the boundaries that help me thrive (communicating about the home and work environments that are best for me). Being able to experience the relief of being diagnosed and understanding how my brain operates has given me a confidence to wholeheartedly welcome this new way of understanding myself.